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  • justaminute2014 6:41 pm on February 11, 2014 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: Democrat, , , politics, puns, , Republican, Will Rogers   

    Oh Those Politicians… 

    (JUST A MINUTE)    While politicians may not seem to be worth much at times, they can provide us with some great comedic material! Humorist Will Rogers made note of that in several comments during his lifetime…

     

    will rogers 2

     

    1. “A fool and his money are soon elected”
    2. “I’m not a member of any organized political party. I’m a Democrat”
    3. “Be thankful we’re not getting all the government we’re paying for”
    4. “The only difference between death and taxes is that death doesn’t get worse every time Congress meets”
    5. “I don’t make jokes. I just watch government and report the facts”
    6. “Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing, and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even”
    7. “I have a scheme for stopping war…no nation is allowed to enter a war ’till they have paid for the last one”
    8. “Politics has become so expensive that it takes a lot of money even to be defeated”
    9. “About all I can say about the United States Senate is that it opens with a prayer and closes with an investigation”
    10. “The more you observe politics, the more you’ve got to admit that each party is worse than the other”
    11. “If you ever injected truth into politics, you have no politics”
    12. “Things in out country run in spite of government, not by aid of it”
    13. “The income tax has made liars out of more Americans than golf”
    14. “It’s easy being a humorist when you’ve got the whole government working for you”
    15. “Ohio claims they are due a president as they haven’t had one since *Taft. Look at the United States, they have not had one since Lincoln”

    *NOTE: Ohio did have one president after Taft…Warren G. Harding, (1921-1923). He died of a heart attack while in office.

    *REF: “brainyquote.com” “wikipedia.org”

     

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  • justaminute2014 11:34 pm on February 10, 2014 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: comedy, , humor, , , Steven Wright   

    The Wit Of Wright… 

    (JUST A MINUTE)    Steven Wright has busted up just as many audiences as Gallagher has melons! Here’s a few of his thoughts…

     

    Steven Wright

    Steven Wright

     

    1. “I intend to live forever. So far, so good”
    2. “A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths”
    3. “I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing Happy Birthday”
    4. “Everything is within walking distance if you have the time”
    5. “What’s another word for Thesaurus?”
    6. “Cross-country skiing is great if you live in a small country”
    7. “I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five”
    8. “You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?”
    9. “Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?”
    10. “I installed a skylight in my apartment…the people who live above me are furious”
    11. “Curiosity killed the cat. But for a while, I was a suspect”
    12. “I was trying to daydream but my mind kept wandering”
    13. “Whenever I think of the past it brings back so many memories”
    14. “I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time”
    15. “I like to reminisce with people I don’t know”

     

    I guess you CAN make this stuff up!

    *REF: “brainyquote.com”

     

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  • justaminute2014 8:06 pm on February 10, 2014 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , , one-liners, quips, zingers   

    Quick Jokes… 

    (JUST A MINUTE)    Come on…take “just a minute” to laugh a little!

    a crowd laughing

    1. What does an accountant use for birth control? His sense of humor!

    2. I saw a woman with the word “Guess” on her tee shirt, so I said “implants?”

    3. Why do gas stations lock their bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will break in and clean them?

    4. Why do banks open their doors but chain down the pens? 

    5. Why do Americans choose from 50 ladies for Miss America, but only 2 for President?

    6. He who smiles in a crisis has already found someone to blame!

    7. Politicians and diapers should both be changed often…and for the same reason.

    8. You should never take a laxative and a sleeping pill on the same night.

    9. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match at kick-boxing!

    10. If sex is a pain in the butt, you’re doing it wrong.

    11. How come one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to light a campfire?

    12. Don’t mess with me! I’m running out of places to hide the bodies.

    13. Booze may not be the answer, but it can help you forget the question.

    14. If 4 out of 5 suffer from diarrhea, does that one person actually enjoy it? 

    15. I haven’t spoken to my wife in years…I don’t want to interrupt her!

    *Ref: “1funny.com”

    Have a super day!

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    Just A Minute!

     
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